Minnesota Divorce and Family Law

Home Alone

Yes, over the holidays I spotted the last scene of the movie Home Alone while switching channels. Who didn't? So, how old should a child be to be left home alone? One of the most common questions, especially when children are in the care of a single (and busy) parent.

A few years ago, I needed to address this question in an actual case when I was serving as parenting time expeditor for a divorced couple with one child. There is no law directly on point, so I contacted a child development professional. The answer was, as so often is the case: it depends. Different children have different maturity levels, and differing ability to handle the responsibility of being alone.

Five-year-olds are clearly too young. Most older teenagers are old enough be home alone. The issue arises most when there is a child involved between the ages of eight and eleven, which is the period of time during which most children grow old enough to be home alone. Also, when there are multiple children involved, parents may disagree on how old the older child(ren) need(s) to be to supervise the younger child(ren).

Ultimately, the resolution lies either in the parents' agreement about what is reasonable or, in the absence of agreement, the recommendation of a neutral professional.

Child Custody Neutrals

If divorcing or separating parents disagree about child custody or parenting arrangements, it is likely necessary for a neutral professional to be involved in resolving the dispute.  The most common neutral professionals are custody evaluators, guardians ad litem, parenting time expeditors, custody mediators and parenting consultants. 

Custody evaluators investigate the facts and circumstances surrounding the child's situation, and render a written report with observations, comments and recommendations.  Typically the custody evaluation takes three to four months.  The custody evaluator will interview each parent; meet with the child (usually at least once in each parent's care); and contact collaterals such as family members, teachers and medical professionals.  The custody evaluator does not have the authority to make a final decision, but his or her recommendations are given substantial weight when the court makes that decision.  The custody evaluator does not stay involved in the case beyond the point that the custody report is issued.

Guardians ad litem are appointed to represent the interests of the child.  A guardian ad litem is not literally the child's attorney, and may or may not be a practicing attorney.  The guardian ad litem becomes familiar with the child and the child's circumstances so as to be able to inform the court of what is in the child's best interests.  The guardian does not have the authority to make the custody decision, but the guardian's comments and observations are given substantial weight.  The guardian may be involved in the case over the course of weeks or months (and less commonly, years). 

Parenting time expeditors are described in a separate post.  Custody mediators meet with the parents to attempt to facilitate an agreement.  The mediator typically will not meet with the child directly, and has no authority to make a decision, and no opportunity to speak directly to the court. 

A parenting consultant has broader authority that is usually defined in the agreement that provides for the consultant's appointment.  The consultant will meet with the parties and will determine to what degree it is necessary and appropriate for the consultant to meet with the child.  The consultant typically will attempt to mediate the dispute, as a mediator would.  But if there is an impasse, unlike a mediator, a consultant often has the authority to make a decision.  Depending on the terms of the consultant's appointment, the consultant's decision may be binding on the parties and subject to review by the family court. 

Different child custody cases can benefit from different child custody neutrals, depending upon the facts and circumstances of the custody dispute.  The purpose of the neutral is to bring the dispute to a conclusion relatively quickly and inexpensively, and to avoid the high conflict of family court litigation. 

Child Custody: Where does the kid WANT to live?

If I had to name the question that comes up most often, it would be this one: how old does a child of divorced, separated or unmarried parents have to be to decide which parent the child wants to live with? In typical manner, the answer is not a simple one. There is no fixed age when a child celebrates a certain birthday and suddenly holds the trump card to influence a family court judge's decision regarding child custody. It is safe to say that a 3-year-old is too young to decide. And a 17-year-old with car keys and an attitude can wield a certain amount of control over where they spend the night.

It is the ages in the interim that make things more complicated. At some point between age three and seventeen, most youngsters gains sufficient maturity to express to a guardian ad litem or custody evaluator a preference to live with one or the other parent. The guardian ad litem or custody evaluator may pass that information on to the family court judge if it believed to be sufficiently reliable and not based on the undue influence of the "preferred parent." But that point in time is not the same for every child. Therefore, it is something that is considered on a case-by-case basis.

Moreover, in most cases, if the child expresses a reliable preference for one parent, there will be other factors that support placing the child in that parent's custody. The family court might be informed that the child has such a preference, but also that the "preferred parent" provides the child with a more stable home environment, has a significant other or extended family members with whom the child has a good relationship, and/or is more inclined to support the child's contact with the other parent.

That gives the family court impetus to award custody to the "preferred parent" without resorting to the child's preference as a basis for the custody decision. Family court authorities and children's therapists are loathe to place a custody decision on the shoulders of the subject child. A child custody arrangement is required by law to be based upon the child's best interests as a whole, and if at all possible, the family court will avoid rendering a custody decision that can be said to be based primarily on the child's preference.